So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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