My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
