Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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