So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
