It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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