Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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