guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
