pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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