Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
