He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
