Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
