Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
