I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
