does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
