I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
