he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
