we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
