You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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