Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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