____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
