omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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