I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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