he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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