I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
