I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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