I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
