wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
