I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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