he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
