So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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