i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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