I got chris browned last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think my moral compass just broke
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
