Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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