'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When are your genitals available?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
