i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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