So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
