your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
