i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
