lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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