I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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