I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
