some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
