Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
