Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
