No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
