I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
