I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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