Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
