Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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