he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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