perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
