I cockslap morals
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
