those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
